When you try your best, but you don't succeed When you get what you want, but not what you need When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse When the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace When you love someone, but it goes to waste Could it be worse? Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you

I feel like Im such a loser. Ive tried my best all this while. Dont think I cldve done any better. Sure, I made a few wrong decisions here and there, but after all, lesson learnt - move on. About moving on, yes I think Ive done my best. I think Ive done well. It only took a year. Thats pretty amazing. Its not totally over, but its better than nothing. It is the best I can do for now. I will get better at getting over things later. But for now, I think this is all I can give. So maybe Ive slipped behind almost everyone, in terms of maturity and growth, but cld I have helped it? I guess not. I was too engrossed in my own world. Thinking about him. It was necessary. I am like that. Now I am ready to say I can leave it all behind. Time does heal the wounds. But then again, how childish I was. Always thinking I had it all, when "to seek owns own glory is not glory at all" finally struck me while I was reading the bible. Funny how you think you know things but actually you're still fumbling about, unable to actually get down to doing it. Many times Ive chided myself for being egotistical, thinking I was mature, but I never changed, did I? The world seemed small to me. I seemed to be on top of it. And now that Im emerging from my shell I see the world that has raced ahead and I am left behind. Even now I am not totally humble. But maybe I shouldnt just love myself because I think am mature. Maybe I should love myself for trying. Love myself. I dont even think I have ever done that. All Ive ever done was to embrace my pride. Maybe its time I adopt a larger outlook and perspective of loving the whole being. No matter how sucky I think I am, Ill still love myself. So I have tried, so I have fumbled. All things happen for a reason. For now, I will just believe in God and His plans and not doubt again. And as for why people are getting further ahead, well, Ill just have to learn how to love people just as I love myself. They put in effort. They tried. They deserve it. And at the end of the day, I am not to judge. God is. My job is to love and I will try my very best. For God loves all, and He will bless whoever He chooses to bless. I belong to God, and I will have His heart of love. And as for growth, "Do the works of the Lord and your thoughts will be established."

Goodnight you guys. It's 1:15AM, Im out.

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